UNREQUITED

by Peg Ray

“Would you please snuff the rest of the candles in the Great Hall? It appears that some were left burning after the last goodbyes.” William spoke to her from where he was directing the last of the cleanup crew working in the small antechamber that functioned as the makeshift kitchen for Winterfest. The glow from the large room was filtering into the small chamber.

“Sure, no problem.” Her response was light as she grabbed a lantern and walked through the door into the Winterfest venue. She immediately noted that the candles were burned down to the last-dipped yellow wax line indicating their precision for the festival requirements. Then, her breath caught in her throat when she saw the shadows that gracefully danced on the wall.

Her eyes drifted to Vincent and Catherine who were thoroughly entranced within each other’s arms as they floated in a formal waltz to silent music. She sighed, watched them for a moment, and then quietly returned to the kitchen area to complete her assigned tasks.

Laura was up to her elbows in soapy water as she washed the dishes and placed them in the tub of rinse water.

She stepped into her peripheral view to get her attention, smiled, and signed, “I’ll dry.” After picking up the dishtowel, she began the mindless task. This chore would give her time to process the deep feelings that had suddenly assaulted her from witnessing that intimate vision in the Great Hall.

Her mind drifted back to when she had first noticed Vincent in their childhood. She was two years younger and had always been fascinated by his unique appearance and gentleness. When they were very young and she learned how to braid hair, he was a willing participant in this activity. That lasted until Devin shamed him into believing that only girls were allowed to play such games.

As they continued to grow up, he included her in the group activities of the children and seemed to have a soft spot in his heart for her. At least that was how she thought about him at the time. He was her first crush when she was ten years old.

She remembered how things had changed during her journey through puberty. Her self-esteem was attacked when she suddenly became gangly with knobby knees, frizzy hair, and acne. The older boys like Devin, Winslow, and Mitch launched cruel taunts at her as only teenage boys could. No one defended her honor and she withdrew into herself. She first learned to be invisible during that period and remained mostly so through today. The community members generally only noticed her when they required her skill, especially when it was so integral a part of the Winterfest celebration.

Previously Vincent had always been kind to her, but he had changed during puberty as well. He never noticed the torment directed her way. It was obvious to everyone that he was enamored of Lisa, the tall, lithe, young goddess with the graceful ballet moves who mesmerized him under her spell. It was clear that he was attracted to beauty and would no longer notice the plain Jane who was suddenly going through a very ugly period of life. This realization had broken her fragile heart at the time.

She, like the rest of the community, was shocked when Lisa made a sudden departure from the tunnels. There were whispers of an incident that transpired and was witnessed by Father. Everyone knew he was fiercely protective of Vincent. Some unforgivable line must have been crossed.

The health issues for Vincent that followed were hushed and sheltered by the Council Members, but she believed they somehow related to Lisa. Father used Mary to deliver the announcement to all the young girls of the community that Vincent was off-limits as a potential boyfriend. He was deemed to be above such entanglements. He was a scholar and had no need to seek a mate for his future.

She remembered being so very disappointed. Since Lisa was no longer a rival for Vincent’s attention, she had hoped that maybe he would notice her again once she got through this awkward age. Maybe she had the chance of becoming beautiful to catch his attention. She prayed her ugly duckling present had a stunning swan future.

Their friendship reestablished itself when she was in her late teens and Vincent was in his early twenties. She had not become beautiful, but she was pleasantly plain. They easily exchanged confidences, and her crush status intensified. Although she knew that Father was not to be crossed, she couldn’t help but feel attraction for the handsome, gentle, young man who noticed that she existed. Although the interactions between them had never been romantic, she let her fantasies roam about their future together.

Vincent began to dance with her at every Winterfest. They stood up as best man and maid of honor at both of Olivia’s weddings. At the second wedding reception just three years ago, she became bold and asked Vincent if he ever thought about marriage and having a family. He took her by the hand and walked her into a quiet antechamber off the Great Hall to answer the question.

“There is no marriage or family in the future for me. It’s not something that is possible for someone such as me.” He looked into her eyes that were filling with tears and suddenly felt a rush of love from her. He held his breath as his heart broke for her.

He reached out and gently brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” He pulled her into his arms for a comforting hug. “We will always have the love of a close brother and sister.”

That was the last embracing hug that she received from him. He subtly changed his hugs for her to side hugs only. That kind of hug left no room for misinterpretation that he felt anything other than familial love for her. The relationship that she imagined they had up to that time disappeared. She feared she would always carry an unrequited love in her heart for a man she could not have.

She had known that someone from Above had entered his life well over a year ago and the close-knit tunnel community was abuzz with rumors about their new helper. The woman known as Catherine had come into the tunnels on several occasions and had rescued Vincent from college professors, a street gang, and from a tunnel collapse in the maze. Catherine had even sacrificed her own happiness to save the tunnel world from the tower that threatened their destruction. He had rescued her from a former lover and from Paracelsus. There could be no mistaking the look that passed between them during Lin’s wedding. Still, she saw that there were impediments to how their two worlds could merge, making her hang onto hope that eventually the strain might break their interest in each other.

Her continuous speculation about the strength of that relationship was confirmed when he came to get a Winterfest candle which he would personally deliver. She could feel his excitement as he discussed this delivery with Father and her as he held her in the sister-like side hug.

Tonight was the first Winterfest in fifteen years that Vincent had not asked her to dance. She knew that this was due to more than just the havoc created by the appearance of Paracelsus at the event. He no longer had the willingness to dance with anyone but Catherine. Something major had changed for the majestic man when he allowed himself the pleasure of a potential partner.

He was a man who appreciated beauty. And no one could debate the beautiful attributes of this new helper who had come into his life. He had been totally entranced with her when he had escorted her through the doors into the Great Hall. Everyone in the community had witnessed that indisputable fact. And everyone seemed to be happy for the couple. Well, almost everyone seemed happy. She would have to discipline her unhealed broken heart to let go of a long-held dream that would never come to fruition.

She dried the last plate and stacked it on the butcher block table with the rest and tossed the dishtowel into the laundry bag. She pinched the bridge of her nose and used her thumb and forefinger to plug the interior corners of her eyes to block the tears that threatened to flow.

William came over and gently touched her on the shoulder. “Are you okay, Rebecca?” His voice was full of concern.

“It’s just a headache coming on, William. Nothing to worry about.” She kept her voice steady and knew she would have to keep it together until she reached the sanctity of her own chamber. There she would be able to cry away a lifetime of hope and finally accept the reality of the lost dream. People did it every day, if the books and poetry she had read since childhood were based in fact.

“You didn’t put out the last candles in the Great Hall.” It sounded more like a question as he looked at her.

“Vincent and Catherine are still in there and will take care of them when they leave.” She managed to keep her voice steady and her expression neutral as she looked into the big man’s eyes.

“Well, it’s time to go back to the hub and get ready for tomorrow. We can send another team down tomorrow afternoon to finish the rest of the cleanup.” William started snuffing out the candles in the antechamber as the group filed out through the small side door into the windy stairway.

William, Cullen, and Michael grabbed their cudgels to provide protection for the crew as they made their way back to the home chambers. Winterfest was officially over for everyone except the two figures who remained in the Great Hall.

Some dreams were meant to come true.