APRIL 12th CHALLENGE

THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY DEATH

by Alyssa G

Lena snuck away shortly after dawn, as she did every year on this date for the past seven years. Ever since she had first heard about the Mirror Pool Below, she had known that this was where she needed to be on this date, that just once she needed to look back, to formally mark the anniversary of the day that she had died.

* * *

She could still remember how strange it felt to come Below, how Father had seemed so judgmental of her at first, acting as though she must have had some options other than selling her body to stay alive. But the truth is, until then, she just hadn’t, at least not any that she could find. Not until Catherine came into her life and offered her a place to go, a safe place to live, a place where even the judgements of the Tunnel patriarch fell away once she explained how much she wanted to create a new life for her unborn child. 

In time, she came to love this new place, to feel its warmth and love surround not only her, but her little baby Catherine, too. The worry that she had, that everyone would see her as a homeless hooker who couldn’t be trusted to raise her own fatherless child, all that worrying was for nothing. The people Below had all come from different places, different backgrounds, and many of them had had to start their lives over after losing everything in the world Below. No one asked her how she had made such a mess of her life, or looked at her like she owed them any apologies or should be embarrassed in any way. Some offered bits of their own stories, others simply reassured her that they had once been new to the Tunnels, too, that time and patience would make the transition from Topsider to Tunnel Dweller complete.

Only a lucky few had been born Below and had known love and acceptance from the moment they came into this world.  And now, thanks to Catherine Chandler, Vincent, Father, and others, her daughter would be counted among them. As far as she was concerned, once she had fully committed to living Below, she had left her old life behind, burnt it to the ground and left only the remnants of bad choices and nightmares in the remaining ashes.

But, it hadn’t felt like enough.

It hadn’t felt like she had really done anything to draw a firm line between then – her time as a homeless pregnant prostitute, and now – her time as little Katie’s mom, who helped with the sewing and told the children stories at bedtime.

She considered going Above and maybe lighting a candle in a church in her old neighborhood, as a way of saying goodbye to some of her old haunts, but she didn’t want to go back up there just yet, if ever. She thought about doing something to celebrate living Below, to mark the day as the joyous occasion it was, but that didn’t seem to be something that was done Below, at least not publically…and she just didn’t feel comfortable asking the others if they marked it privately in any way.

And then, someone told her about the Mirror Pool. And some part of her heart said, yes, this.  She wanted this, needed this, needed a way to say goodbye to who she had been, to mourn the past, with all its good and bad parts, so that she could finally, blissfully, say goodbye to the Lena that she used to be, and truly allow herself to accept the new Lena as the only Lena she would be from that time forward.

And so, a few months later, on the anniversary of the day she had come Below, she woke shortly after dawn, wrapped little Katie in warm blankets, and traveled down to the Mirror Pool. She sat with her daughter and told her the story of her time Above, of the kind people who helped her find and keep her place Below, and of the life they now got to live together, here in their new home. She lit a candle and set it to float away on the water, watching for a long time as the candle burned down to nothingness, taking her past along with it into the smoke and ashes. As Lena stood up to make her way back to the main Tunnel chambers, she said goodbye to her old self, and made a promise to herself to welcome and accept her new self, and life, with confidence and joy.

* * *

She had initially only planned to do this once – how often did one need to bury the past after all? But something kept drawing her back, and she found herself repeating the tradition every year, in the same manner, on the same date and at the same time of day. As Katie grew older she changed the words slightly, cleaning up the story for childlike ears, but the truth of it remained – she had been someone once, someone that was now dead and long gone, and now there was a new Lena in the old one’s place, one who cherished everything about her life Below, including the tradition she had started with her daughter seven years before on a morning just like this one.

THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY DEATH

by Alyssa G

Lena snuck away shortly after dawn, as she did every year on this date for the past seven years. Ever since she had first heard about the Mirror Pool Below, she had known that this was where she needed to be on this date, that just once she needed to look back, to formally mark the anniversary of the day that she had died.

* * *

She could still remember how strange it felt to come Below, how Father had seemed so judgmental of her at first, acting as though she must have had some options other than selling her body to stay alive. But the truth is, until then, she just hadn’t, at least not any that she could find. Not until Catherine came into her life and offered her a place to go, a safe place to live, a place where even the judgements of the Tunnel patriarch fell away once she explained how much she wanted to create a new life for her unborn child. 

In time, she came to love this new place, to feel its warmth and love surround not only her, but her little baby Catherine, too. The worry that she had, that everyone would see her as a homeless hooker who couldn’t be trusted to raise her own fatherless child, all that worrying was for nothing. The people Below had all come from different places, different backgrounds, and many of them had had to start their lives over after losing everything in the world Below. No one asked her how she had made such a mess of her life, or looked at her like she owed them any apologies or should be embarrassed in any way. Some offered bits of their own stories, others simply reassured her that they had once been new to the Tunnels, too, that time and patience would make the transition from Topsider to Tunnel Dweller complete.

Only a lucky few had been born Below and had known love and acceptance from the moment they came into this world.  And now, thanks to Catherine Chandler, Vincent, Father, and others, her daughter would be counted among them. As far as she was concerned, once she had fully committed to living Below, she had left her old life behind, burnt it to the ground and left only the remnants of bad choices and nightmares in the remaining ashes.

But, it hadn’t felt like enough.

It hadn’t felt like she had really done anything to draw a firm line between then – her time as a homeless pregnant prostitute, and now – her time as little Katie’s mom, who helped with the sewing and told the children stories at bedtime.

She considered going Above and maybe lighting a candle in a church in her old neighborhood, as a way of saying goodbye to some of her old haunts, but she didn’t want to go back up there just yet, if ever. She thought about doing something to celebrate living Below, to mark the day as the joyous occasion it was, but that didn’t seem to be something that was done Below, at least not publically…and she just didn’t feel comfortable asking the others if they marked it privately in any way.

And then, someone told her about the Mirror Pool. And some part of her heart said, yes, this.  She wanted this, needed this, needed a way to say goodbye to who she had been, to mourn the past, with all its good and bad parts, so that she could finally, blissfully, say goodbye to the Lena that she used to be, and truly allow herself to accept the new Lena as the only Lena she would be from that time forward.

And so, a few months later, on the anniversary of the day she had come Below, she woke shortly after dawn, wrapped little Katie in warm blankets, and traveled down to the Mirror Pool. She sat with her daughter and told her the story of her time Above, of the kind people who helped her find and keep her place Below, and of the life they now got to live together, here in their new home. She lit a candle and set it to float away on the water, watching for a long time as the candle burned down to nothingness, taking her past along with it into the smoke and ashes. As Lena stood up to make her way back to the main Tunnel chambers, she said goodbye to her old self, and made a promise to herself to welcome and accept her new self, and life, with confidence and joy.

* * *

She had initially only planned to do this once – how often did one need to bury the past after all? But something kept drawing her back, and she found herself repeating the tradition every year, in the same manner, on the same date and at the same time of day. As Katie grew older she changed the words slightly, cleaning up the story for childlike ears, but the truth of it remained – she had been someone once, someone that was now dead and long gone, and now there was a new Lena in the old one’s place, one who cherished everything about her life Below, including the tradition she had started with her daughter seven years before on a morning just like this one.