TURMOIL

by Paula

a continuation of the story Changes
** adult content **

The best thinking has been done in solitude. The worst has been done in turmoil.
    ~ Thomas A. Edison

The sky shimmered with shades of gray. A few people still occupied benches; someone ran nearby along with a happy dog; and although the city was still bustling with activity, it was time to leave the Brooklyn Bridge area.

Devin reluctantly rose from his seat at her side and gave her a hand. Jenny moved slowly as she stood unsteadily on her feet. She turned towards the blanket where he had lavished her with such tenderness, her gaze became hazy.

This evening was full of unexpected things.

When she returned from the land of memories and raised her head timidly towards him, he pulled her closer, knowing the path of her thoughts. His lips touched her cheek gently and she closed her eyes, absorbing the sensations.

They stood for a moment locked in a warm embrace…she needed this to feel that all that had happened did not exist only in her imagination. He took her hand and they headed toward the car, both immersed in their thoughts…

I hope I didn’t rush things. In the past, I wouldn’t have worried about it. I’d just take advantage and enjoy whatever happens. Devin shook his head gently in disbelief. What’s happening with me?

Jenny cast a shy glance in his direction, raising her eyebrows. “Is something  bothering you?

His gaze warmed. “No, I’m just a little stunned. We’ve had a great time together, right?”

She blushed slightly as she smiled at him. “Yes, we have.”

He looked at her face, eyes shining in the evening light, a girlish smile. It reminded him of things long hidden at the depth of his heart. His mouth twisted slightly in a smile. “I’m glad I made a good impression.”

“You do not lack self-confidence.”  

He parted his lips in slight surprise but liked her feisty tone and mischievous look.

“That’s not entirely true. Sometimes I have doubts about what I’ve done.”

Her eyes opened wider. “Seriously?”

He sensed that she was teasing him. “You’ll find out when you get to know me better.”

She felt every word echo in her ear. The hope for more had smoldered in her from the beginning of their acquaintance and now opportunities were opening up.

His hand went to her waist, embracing gently, and then the endearing scent of citrus and the fresh green of his aftershave surrounded her. Jenny’s heart made a turn. She craved reciprocation on his part. With the greatest gentleness, her hand wrapped around his waist. Why do I lack courage with him? I know why I’m being cautious. Maybe somewhere inside I’m still worried he will leave for the other side of the world tomorrow.

Their drive home passed too quickly and they found themselves in front of the building where she lived. He walked her to the door, leaning lazily against the doorframe, looking confidently into her eyes, extending this pleasant time together to the maximum.

The invitation floated between them. He knew she was just waiting for one sign from him that he was interested in this, just one step towards her, but it was not the right moment. Despite the surprising sensations and attraction, he had to slow down. He wanted his farewell kiss to be promising, gentle, and enticing at the same time. He was relieved to see there was no disappointment in her eyes, only joyful anticipation.

A feeling of pride and satisfaction accompanied him as he walked toward the car.

I can’t believe I’m walking away. It’s been so long since… He shook his head, chasing away the thoughts. His eyes were closed, and after a moment a heavy sigh escaped his lips. I could lose too much by staying with her. I’ve changed.

Although the warm night was inviting to the entertainment offered by the city, he did not feel interested in it. His lips curved into a smile. It’s time to go… home.

* * *

The tunnels were already deserted; even the tapping in the pipes had quieted down. His thoughts consumed him completely as he walked through dimly lit corridors.

I was on a date, I didn’t think it would end like this. I was fooling myself that it was a friendly meeting, and now… actually I feel strange, as if forced to do something. No one’s putting any pressure on me, and yet… He ran a hand through his hair without completely understanding his concerns.

Emotions flowed through him, teasing his senses. Running away is the fastest solution. He leaned against a nearby wall, his gaze wandering over the stony surroundings and sandy ground. This is my home, my childhood! But frankly, I’m drawn to the life Above. His lips tightened into a narrow line. I came back because I didn’t want to disappear again for more years. I came back to find the strength to be better. I may not fit into a permanent life underground, but I don’t want to run away.

In his chamber, he searched through his clothes, looking for something appropriate to wear after his bath. When he was close to the exit, he heard quiet footsteps in the corridor.

“Devin? May I come in?”

Tormenting thoughts were pushed aside. “Sure, little brother. I thought you’d be busy at this hour.” He grinned at him.

Vincent’s eyes shone joyfully. “Curious about how the meeting went won out.”

After a moment’s consideration, he decided not to hide anything.“It was a very pleasant date.”

“A date? Now I’m more intrigued.”

“Yes!” He managed a broad smile. “Jenny is an attractive woman. I felt pulled to her. We’ve always had pleasant conversations.” He ran a hand through his hair.  “Brother, this is all still new. For Catherine’s sake, I will not rush. I wouldn’t want to hurt Jenny if it turns out that nothing will come of it.”

A powerful hand tightened in a gentle grip on his shoulder. “That sounds like a good plan. I’m glad things turned out so favorably for you. I wish you could find your soulmate.”

His expression saddened. “Do you think a permanent relationship is for me? Sometimes I’m afraid it’s not, and I’ll always be alone.” Serious notes echoed in his voice.

Vincent sensed his uncertainty. “I believe that when you meet the right person, you will feel it in your heart, and you will have no doubt that you only want to be with her.”

“Just like you and your lovely wife. You knew from the beginning.” He felt a surge of melancholy.

“Yes, I knew that for me there would always be only Catherine.” The fur-covered hand rested on his heart, feeling a pleasant, spreading warmth. My only.

“When both of you are around, there’s no need for candles. You illuminate the whole place with your glow.” A little jealousy ran through the words.

His lips twisted in a smile as he analyzed the accurate description of the strength of the feeling linking him to his beloved. But the realization that his brother doubted similar happiness cast a shadow over his heart. He tilted his head to the side and watched him for a moment, firmly believing that true love was written for him as well.

It did not escape Devin’s attention, this feeling evident in his little brother’s eyes and every gesture. “I have to trust that good changes will happen to me, too.”  Hope still smoldered in his heart that one day he would be able to build something lasting and special.

“I am sure it’s going to happen.”  A confident smile adorned his face. “I’ll go now. Catherine is waiting.”

“Don’t keep her waiting too long.” He patted his brother on the shoulder.

Vincent nodded slowly; his eyes glittered at the thought of the coming night. “Have a good night.”

“Good night to both of you…You deserved this happiness.” He whispered only to himself.

* * *

Vincent stepped lightly into their chamber, covering the entrance with a tapestry.

His gaze went to the lovely figure enveloped with a quilt. His overjoyed state had no bounds as he looked at his wife waiting for him. Catherine tore her gaze from the book she was reading and observed him with interest.

He abandoned his cloak, remaining in a loose shirt that fulfilled the role of pajamas, and settled comfortably by her side.

She turned her face to his, smiling lightly. “And how did it go? Did you learn something?”

His blue eyes took on a cobalt hue and he smiled slightly. “Devin looks happy. He used the word date.”

Green eyes opened wider with surprise. “Really? I absolutely must call Jenny in the morning.”

“But it’s in the morning…” His hand gently moved from her ankle toward her thigh. “Now we can get on with other activities.” Unique lips encouraged her with gentle kisses along her neck.

She gasped and drew him closer and eagerly engaged in the proposed actions…

* * *

Meanwhile in the bathing chamber Devin could take a breath. He settled comfortably in the pool, leaning against the wall with his arms spread wide. Only the light of the lantern gave any glow; the air was crisp, refreshing. Another wonder of this underground world.

In his mind, he recalled the entire past day. The beginning was a twist. Just getting Jenny’s number required several approaches. His lips curved into a light smile. I never would have thought this is how I would spend this afternoon, evening… and could be night. It was so tempting, but I had to let go. He frowned. No one knows what is hidden at the bottom of my heart, beautiful but painful memories. His hand rested on his chest feeling the peaceful rhythm, not wanting to dwell on buried matters.

The time spent there brought the respite he needed. So many things to think about, decisions to make. The water had a calming effect, pleasantly rippling around his body. His eyelids became heavy. So quiet, so good. He felt that his vision was blurring and he could fall asleep at any moment, and although he needed to extend the time, he had to leave this pleasant place.

A single candle was burning on the table next to the bed. Tiredness nagged at him more and more. He lazily pressed his head against the soft, comfortable pillow and dreamed dreams that seemed long gone.

She was standing at the bar where he often stopped for lunch. She smiled only for him. They talked so casually, he felt peace in his heart and something strangely unfamiliar. He was charmed. They joked; she asked about Charles and his well-being, always interested… perfect.

He woke up suddenly and rubbed his eyes. “No! She left so long ago. Why do I dream about her?” He closed his eyes tightly. “And yet my heart still remembers.”

Confusion and anger arose almost immediately, causing a backlash.  I‘ve started dating Jenny, and now something like this…I don’t need these memories and I don’t want them either.

The momentary turmoil quickened his heartbeat, and he calmed his breathing while lying on his back. It had already become quite dark all around him. He groaned, driving away images from his sleep. “I don’t need this, I don’t need…” The words, spoken in an increasingly quiet voice, reverberated off the rock walls; in time, they quieted down and peaceful sleep claimed the weary figure.

The steady tapping on the pipes woke him up. Breakfast time was approaching, but Devin was not too eager to make any move. The need for reflection came to the fore. So often surrounded by people and yet alone. He rubbed his eyes, taking a different direction of thought. I have some money put aside, but if I were to stay in New York, I’d need a job…and then there’s Jenny and our next date. A heavy sigh escaped his lips.

Images from the dream appeared before his eyes vividly, changing his expression to one of pain. He pushed them away and buried them deep. I started over. His hands clenched into fists. I decided I would at least try.

A comfortable bed and a soft quilt encouraged further rest. However, there was  fear in his thoughts that the Old Man would soon come looking for him. A groan of displeasure escaped his lips. I love and respect him, but I don’t feel like confessing.

Lying on his back did not improve his self-perception. In total darkness staring at the stone wall, his thoughts returned to the younger years. All the interesting adventures he participated in when he lived Below brought a smile to his face, but memories of the quarrel with the Old Man made his features clouded… And
that moment when he ran as far away as possible, a crucial one, changing everything. He freed himself from life underground, thinking he would never return, but remorse accompanied him all the time.

The realization that he had a real father and the time he spent with Charles changed a lot. I am not an orphan and have become less selfish…. and Vincent… His sigh echoed off the walls… All the time I am tormented by the question, has he really forgiven me?

His hand covered his forehead. With his eyes closed, as he sought relief and understanding; his younger brother found him in this position.

“Devin? I’m sorry I came in without asking, but I was concerned about your absence from breakfast.” In the meantime, he lit a candle on the table.

A pensive figure lazily rose from the bed and combed his hair. “Nothing is happening. I am alive.” His lips twisted in a smile.

Even in the dim light, blue eyes registered the change. “Yesterday you seemed to be full of hope, but today something has altered.”

He nodded, unable to escape this truth. “You’ve always had the gift of sensing emotions.”

A gentle smile appeared at the corner of his unique mouth. He looked into the face of his childhood adventure companion with curiosity and slight concern. “So tell me. What worries you?” He asked directly, settling comfortably in a chair.

Devin leaned back against the pillows with his arms crossed. It will take some time.

“I was thinking about the old days, our childhood expeditions, my clashes with the Old Man. And how we’re now working to improve our relationship.”

Vincent nodded with understanding.

“I wondered if you would ever forgive me so completely for leaving you here and running away to pursue my dreams. It does not give me peace of mind.” He looked at his younger brother, seeking comprehension in his eyes.

Painful recollections changed Vincent’s facial expression. The memory of the loneliness of those days still lingered in his heart. He bowed his head and pondered the words for a moment. Minutes passed; he sighed heavily… “Devin, when you left, it was a hard time for me, I won’t hide it. I felt abandoned and lonely. I didn’t know if I would ever see you again, but all the time I had hope.”

Devin shook his head over his selfishness.  He’d enjoyed new things, adventures, experiences, while forgetting about his loved ones. He’d never even sent a single letter to lessen their worry.

Vincent watched his reaction and noticed his lips tighten and his gaze suddenly very interested in the pattern on the quilt, but they both needed him to keep talking. “When the worst grief subsided a little, I began to understand your need to see the world, but I still missed you. I waited for you to return, however, if only for a while. When so many years had passed, I feared the worst, although I didn’t want to let this thought come to me.” He smiled a little. “When we met after many years, I was grateful and happy to the point that I didn’t want to mention this difficult time.”

The older brother could not look him in the eye after all he had done. Did I get absolution? He felt unworthy of this understanding. “I don’t deserve such a good brother.” His voice was hoarse and quiet.

“We had many good memories. Now you are here, you came back, you missed us, that means you cared all the time.” Blue eyes focused on him. “I no longer feel regret, remember that.”

Immediately a feeling of relief and gratitude flooded him, it was soothing, liberating. He furrowed his brow, deeply touched, everything was reflected in his dark eyes.

Simultaneously, they moved from their seats. A brotherly hug sealed the words of forgiveness, a frank conversation brought them even closer, washing away any insinuations.

“Thank you.”  He struggled to get his voice out. “Your words will make the burden of guilt bearable.”

“The ties between brothers are unbreakable.” Tears shone in the blue eyes.

Devin nodded with understanding, unable to say anything…

* * *

A morning brotherly conversation greatly reduced the remorse that had been with him for years, leaving it at an acceptable level. Energy reserves were renewed, the power to act, to change something, increased. A pleasant thought escaped toward Jenny. Why postpone another meeting?

The urge to see the glow, to feel the vibe of the city, surged through him. He took advantage of the nearest phone booth Above and booked a table. Satisfied with the successful arrangement, he dialed another number.  He held the receiver with a steady hand, listening to the sound of the call waiting. I am not nervous at all, rather reconciled.

After a moment, a cheerful voice sounded in his ears. “Jenny Aronson.”

“Hi, it’s me.”

Her heart sped up when she recognized his voice. “Devin! How nice to hear from you.”

“I like to make surprises.” He furrowed his brow over the ambiguity of his words. “How about dinner at Tavern on the Green?”

She laughed quietly. “I am interested.”

“I made a reservation for 7 p.m. tomorrow.  I’ll come for you.”

“No, thanks. I have a meeting with a writer earlier, so I’ll take a cab.”

“All right, so…until tomorrow.”

“See you there.”

Her cheerful farewell brought a smile to his face. It was not surprising to him how readily she agreed to another date. Her interest was obvious, evident from their first meeting. This affection flattered him. She trusts you. Don’t screw it up! After a while, there was a shadow of doubt on his face. If it doesn’t work out for us, will we be able to maintain our friendship or will resentment remain between us?

A gentle breeze blew through his black hair and he felt the pleasant air on his skin. The sunny weather encouraged a walk, tempting him to laze around for the rest of the day. He took a deep breath and squinted his eyes as he gazed at the blue sky.  Maybe I’ll combine the pleasant with the useful.

The smell of hot dogs from a Nathan’s cart stimulated his appetite. His stomach began to show signs of hunger.  How can I pass that up?  Moving further down the paths, he was busy with a delicious snack.

Children’s laughter reached his ears as he walked near the carousel. Images from the past appeared before his eyes, as if it were yesterday. For a while we were all having a great time. Vincent was so happy… and then… He turned his head in the opposite direction, hiding painful memories deep in the recesses of his heart.

He didn’t even notice when he found himself in the vicinity of the sprawling Sheep Meadow. A bench in the shade of a tree was ideal for a short rest. He sat there comfortably with the intention of reviewing a purchased newspaper. The sun’s rays gently pierced through the branches of the trees as gusts of wind created sunny lines on the browsed pages.

Marking with a pen the advertisements that interested him, he was interrupted by the increased activity around him; parents with children, teenagers, runners, a charming elderly couple, still in love with each other. So much life around. Everyone has some purpose in life, but what about me?

His gaze focused on people lazily sunbathing on blankets. Flashbacks of the previous evening, when he and Jenny were lying down, lavishing each other with gentle caresses, popped into his mind. I enjoyed the taste of her kisses and the touch of soft skin under my hands. A gentle smile appeared for a moment, and his dreamy look expressed the hope that smoldered within him.

The need to extend this lazy afternoon continued to grow as he strolled through the winding paths, watching the trees change their leaves to autumn colors. More and more people walked along the literary path, stopping at statues of writers. Leaving this slightly crowded place, he only dreamed of a strong coffee. This thirst led him to the terrace of the Central Park Boat House, where, in a beautiful setting, he enjoyed an aromatic drink. People were floating in boats on the lake, others were enjoying the peaceful surroundings and conversation. In the distance, behind the dense trees, the skyscrapers of Manhattan reminded him that he was still in New York.

It was a moment worth remembering when he felt inner harmony; relaxed, composed, he might even risk the word happy, as if everything was going in the right direction.

* * *

It was a pleasant summer day in a mountain town. They were walking in the park, having a nice conversation. He gazed in awe at her beautiful face, she looked at him with the tenderness he had always dreamed of. Intoxicated by her, he leaned his head toward her lips…

Devin woke up suddenly and looked around the dark chamber. He groaned discontentedly as he lay back down. “What the hell? If this keeps up, I’ll be afraid to go to sleep!”

Heat momentarily flooded his body. He unbuttoned his shirt with anger. The coolness of the air on his chest brought relief. Finally, after a long time, he managed to fall asleep again. However, the dreams kept returning, disrupting much-needed rest.

Throughout the night, dream after dream, she appeared; tempting, eager. Only the surroundings changed, the dark forest, the blue lake, his cottage; he touched her as he had always fantasized, he wanted to love her tenderly…every time their lips met, he woke up with his heart beating rapidly.

The morning came, unwanted, powerless. Tapping on the pipes was like pounding directly on his head. Devin slowly opened his swollen eyelids.

I thought it was behind me… what a hopeless night. He put his hand over his heart, sensing the quickened rhythm.

On the worn carpet lay his quilt next to a pillow, a blanket rolled up by his feet. Getting out of bed was a feat, accompanied by a headache and moans of discontent. He reached a cabinet with a bowl.  Cool water and I’ll be as good as new. His laugh was short. Who am I trying to fool? Splashing his face several times made little difference. I don’t want to relive it all over again, especially now that I thought I had it all figured out somehow.

He traced his face, the dark circles under his eyes, his pale complexion. I don’t look good, and I feel even worse. He shook his head and pressed his lips together. Today’s strategy does not include self-pity.

A piece of paper with company addresses lying on the table reminded him of his plans for this morning. His movements were slow and clumsy. He sighed heavily.

If I want to continue to live an honest life and be myself, I have little choice of offers.

Images from the dream were once again buried deep in his subconscious. He didn’t want to return to what was long gone. It is necessary to move forward. Memories of Charles, his childlike joy, his sensitivity, gave him a little strength. I will stick to it, my friend.

His gaze focused on his chosen firms. Food suppliers, movers, delivery services. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll try construction or renovation companies.

A quick bath gently revived him. Strong coffee and William’s nutritious toast got him back on his feet. He tried not to think about his biting remarks about looking like a mess. He didn’t care now if anyone thought he’d been partying all night. 

Armed with courage and determination, focused on his goals, he set out Above.

The interviews took up most of his day. His experience and personal charm allowed him to make a good impression during the meetings. Having had practice in a similar industry, he decided to work for a food delivery company, on the first shift, starting early in the morning.

The firm urgently needed an employee, and Devin dreamed of occupying his thoughts with something other than reminiscing. The possibility of starting tomorrow was like a smile of fate. At least for a while I’ll escape unwanted thoughts.

Hunger twisted his stomach and he was already beginning to feel the effects of a sleepless night more strongly. His step was slow and his shoulders lowered as he crossed the threshold of “The Smiths.”  Frequent yawning blurred his vision, and he stared mindlessly into the black drink while chewing a hamburger.  Suddenly, the memory of the arranged date broke through his stupor. “Damn!” He left a bill on the table and almost ran out of the restaurant to catch some sleep.

A feeling of relief surged through his body as he looked at the comfortable bed in his guest chamber. In the crisp tunnel air and dim light, he didn’t even think about taking off his jacket as he threw himself onto the soft quilt, needing only a moment’s respite.

His dreams were hazy, gray. Unfamiliar figures appeared and disappeared until finally there was only blackness.

Vincent entered the chamber for a brotherly chat, but when he saw a figure lying on his stomach, plunged into a deep sleep, he retreated quietly, surprised by the sight.

At that moment, a premonition came over him that something disturbing is going on…

* * *

Nature spoiled the city’s residents with another warm, rain-free evening.  As many couples took tables at Tavern on the Green, the place became bustling, but still pleasant. Their reservation was near windows, overlooking the park. There wouldn’t be much privacy, but the lanterns glowing in warm orange hues would foster a romantic atmosphere.

Devin was pacing in front of the entrance to the restaurant, with his hands in the pockets of his dark pants. He was revitalized from his earlier nap, optimistic, determined. He hoped that the white shirt and black jacket made him look elegant, and that his hair combed through with his fingers in a hurry did not detract from his attractiveness.

Jenny noticed him from a distance. She tried to walk with a calm step but inside everything was telling her to run into his arms. Don’t press him, everything in its own time, whispered the voice of hidden desires.

They embraced each other in greeting. His lips found the area around her ear to place a gentle kiss.

“You look lovely.” The deep neckline of the pink blouse screamed for his attention.

“Thank you and you look handsome.”A few undone buttons on his shirt exposed an area where she would have gladly sunk her lips.

He bowed in thanks and put his arm around her waist. “Let’s go.” His invitation, combined with his intense gaze, made her agree to any proposal.

They spent time in cordial conversation, savoring the taste of grilled fish and vegetable salad. The bustle of discussions grew around them; people moved between tables; the soft sound of Beethoven’s Appassionata soothed the senses.

“How did the encounter with the writer go?” he asked with sincere interest.

“Excellent. I met with Philip Roth, and I will be organizing the promotion of his new book Operation Shylock. It’s a very engaging read.

Curiosity rose in him. “Outline for me a little bit what it’s about?”

She smiled softly at his inquiry. “I can’t give much away so as not to spoil your reading. The book is suspenseful, entertaining, saturated with emotion, intelligently written. It is a spy story and a political thriller, as well as a reflection on the essence of identity…You simply must read it.”

“You’ve piqued my interest. I think I’ll go to the promotion.” His endearing smile added to the secret beauty of the moment.

Jenny was overcome by a state of languor. Does he know how it affects me? Is he aware of his power over me? In her mind, she returned to his kisses, longing for a repeat right here and now. Her gaze shifted from his enticing lips to his captivating eyes.

She managed to regain her voice. “You are invited.”

Devin, without breaking eye contact, placed his hand over his heart. “I feel honored.”

Her face was adorned with an endearing smile; then his gaze became thoughtful, distant, but after a moment he shook off this state, returning to the here and now. Changing the topic was his salvation from unwanted memories.

“I’m starting to work for a company called “Hogsalt” that delivers food and beverages to stores.”

For a moment she ran out of words, looking at him with wide-open eyes. It had been her dream for a long time that he would stay in New York. “I’m glad you found something that suits you.”

The corners of his mouth lifted in a gentle smile. “I think I am, too.”

Hope settled in her heart. She looked full of expectation and confidence at the object of her fantasies. “So that means you plan to stay here longer after all?”

He became serious momentarily. “I’m giving myself…and us…a chance. A lot has changed; now maybe I’ll be able to live here.” Maybe I won’t fail.

“I would like it to be so.” He had not promised her anything, but she still convinced herself that there would be something much more and permanent from this. She couldn’t stop it; she had fallen in love so quickly.

His hand gently stroked her back, snapping her out of her reverie. “They have an excellent crème brûlée here.”

“Shall we order?” she asked with a gleam in her eyes.

“Certainly.” His lips approached in a brief and gentle kiss, triggering an inner explosion of the senses.

“Dev..” she whispered into his mouth.

“Yes, I know…”

The place was not conducive to intimate tenderness, but his instinctive action seemed appropriate to him. Then, not wanting to intensify some of the feelings, he moved back a little to a safer distance.

The creamy dessert stimulated certain feelings with each bite. Again, she didn’t want their time together to end. She suspected she wouldn’t be able to persuade him to have coffee at her apartment. During a lazy wine tasting, her imagination created possibilities for the course of his visit.

Devin squeezed her hand, scattering images in her thoughts. His mouth was close to her lips. “Tomorrow I start my job early in the morning. Would you mind if we…”

The words said out loud made her a little sad. “…have already finished our date?”

He nodded with an apologetic smile.

Jenny lowered her gaze. “I understand perfectly. It was a wonderful dinner.”

Her courtesy didn’t convince him. He heard the disappointment in her words.

His hand again touched her back in a gentle caress. “I feel a little silly that it’s already coming to an end.”

“You must be joking. Don’t worry about it. I understand.” Her hand instinctively touched the place slightly above his knee. 

Her touch pierced him, causing a certain area to heat up. He drew in air, staring at her hand. “How about a walk? I’ll catch a cab for you on the way.” The words, spoken nervously, made her release him from her awkward grip.

Slightly embarrassed, she avoided his gaze. “A walk sounds great.”

The atmosphere changed to mildly tense, which was not the effect Devin wanted. I screwed up again. Remorse was growing in him. In his head, he devised how to bring a charming smile back to her face…

Near the restaurant, there was a bench in the shade of a tree; under the cover of darkness it provided a bit of privacy. He kindly invited her to sit down. Still uncertain, she moved closer, feeling the warmth radiating from him. His hand went to her delicate cheek, stroking tenderly. With squinted eyes, she experienced a tender caress. His gaze stopped at her mouth.

“I’m sorry again, I don’t want to part now, believe me.” The words, spoken almost in a whisper directly against her lips had an electrifying effect.

It sounded familiar and also unexpected. However, he did not consider my gesture too bold. “You start your new job. How can I resent you wanting to be rested? No apology needed.” She touched his scarred cheek.

“It is a reminder for me to trust and believe and not to act too rashly.” He tried to smile.

Her eyes traced his entire face. “It doesn’t take away from your charm.”

There was a battle going on inside him, attracting and arresting him. The voice of reason and the voice of desire. How easily this clash can be lost. Tempted by craving, he cast a glance at the temporarily deserted surroundings and leaned his lips toward hers, wanting his thoughts to quiet down for a moment so he could feel the delight of oblivion. 

The gentle brushing of mouths turned in time to a frenzied dance of the senses. He felt the shape of her body, slender and soft; he yearned for a woman’s tenderness and boundless sweetness. She pressed her inflamed lips to his neck, her hands leaving a hot trail on his body, intoxicating his senses, her thigh, his hip; feminine shapes under his hand; they both craved more…and then…the sound of footsteps and conversation in the distance interrupted their further exploration. 

His heavy breathing warmed her cleavage as he laid his head on her shoulder. She embraced him, stroking his back tenderly, allowing him to calm his accumulated emotions. The stunned feeling enveloped them completely, leaving them silent, people walking past them as they persisted in a romantic embrace. Several long moments passed before they set out on their previously promised stroll.

Leaving this place of their temporary interlude, their thoughts revolved around what had happened. Devin was in a dazed state. What if it wasn’t for people passing by? A few minutes later and... He sighed deeply.  It started with a kiss, and then desire took over.

Jenny was in a world of fantasies and dreams… hopeful, grateful, content. I’m starting to believe he cares. His touch,  kisses, what an amazing lover he must be. Her eyes shone with warm feelings just for him. The uncertainty disappeared and was replaced by complete happiness.

When they reached Central Park West, he managed to catch a cab and quickly hugged her, thanking her for a wonderful time.

Now reassured of her safe return, he took slow steps toward the tunnels. His hands were in his pants pockets and his gaze was distant. If it weren’t for the recurring memories, everything would be going as it should. Would the disturbing dreams end when the next step was taken? He almost groaned in confusion.

I don’t know what battle I’m fighting now. Do I want to forget or remember? Do I want to try to live a peaceful life, or go back to what was?

Questions asked in the dark night were still unanswered, and only time could show him the way forward. He dreamed of the quiet of his chamber to calm his runaway thoughts and tame his raging senses.

* * *

He was in his cabin, it was a hot evening, someone knocked on the door, he opened the door and she stood at the threshold in a short dress. She surprised him with a kiss, throwing her arms around his neck, entwining her legs around his waist, his response was quick, they landed on the couch and…

Devin woke up suddenly, disoriented; he looked around at his surroundings. His heart was pounding out a frantic rhythm. He grabbed his head “I just went crazy!” He sat on the bed, looking ahead with absent eyes, not wanting to sleep anymore, hiding all his emotions. Hours passed, and he persisted in the same position, in a strange state similar to lethargy. There were dark circles under eyes, reddened from exhaustion, until finally, before morning came, fatigue took over. His head tilted over his shoulder; sleep brought relief to his body.

* * *

Work was a respite from the thoughts that plagued him. Focused on his duties, he was completely free of memories. He was eager to get involved in life Below, helping in William’s kitchen and with minor repairs, leaving the night watch for residents.

The relationship with Jenny developed at a leisurely, slow pace; shared lunches, early dinners, concerts in the park. He subconsciously avoided the replays of the situation after their date at Tavern on the Green. Her affection for him was sincere. He reproached himself for not being able to engage in the same way; something inside was holding him back. Uncertainty and caution dominated, blocking him from more intimacy.

The tormenting dreams did not improve his situation. They were all related to his life in the mountains, sometimes brief images, other times more adventurous situations. During the day, flashes of past events appeared before his eyes. He struggled with it alone, not believing that talking about it would bring any relief.

Vincent’s fears were confirmed when he observed his behavior.  The disturbing change was becoming more and more noticeable. The subject was postponed. An unspoken request not to ask certain questions was evident in his brother’s gaze.

He could only wait until Devin was ready to confess.

During an evening chess game, he confided in Father about his findings, asking him not to push his older son too hard. The expression on the parent’s face was worried, and he nodded his head in agreement, but from then on, he was still wondering how to gently broach the subject with his adult child.

One afternoon there came a chance to solve a nagging issue.

Devin walked into the library. “Can I have a moment of your time?” he called kindly from the stairs.

The community leader looked at him from over his glasses. “Of course, I’d be happy to talk to you.” His eyes shone with warm feelings. “Lately you’ve been busy with work and Jenny.”

His son jumped down the stairs and sat on the nearest chair, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

Some habits remain. Father saw him for a while as the teenager he once was – rebellious, intelligent, curious about the world, full of dreams and courage.

The younger man took a deep breath, willing himself to be brave. “I thought it was high time to rent something of my own. Now I’m working Above, meeting with Jenny.  It will be reasonable to move out. I found an apartment in Brooklyn not so far from home.” Accustomed to criticism, he waited for some sign of displeasure.

The wrinkled face grew sad. “I understand, although it was good to have you close by for a while.”

Accepted without reproach. He smiled gently at his parent. “I won’t be far away and will stop by to visit. It was good for me here, too.” His voice was muffled.

The older man nodded and felt a surge of boldness to ask the question that had been bothering him. “I noticed that something is worrying you. Perhaps you would like to talk.”  In concentration, he watched the reaction.

There was silence for a moment, punctuated by the tapping of pipes. Dark thoughtful eyes stared at the ground; after a while he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “There is really nothing going on.” His nervousness was evident.

The tunnel’s leader furrowed his brow, expecting such an answer.  How can I reach him without pushing too hard? Questions hung in the air that he dared not ask.

The expression on his son’s face softened.  I don’t want or need an argument. “Dad, don’t worry. I’m just thinking about what my next steps should be, what choices to make, whether they will be good. You can rest assured.” His gaze was full of warm feelings.

A smile lit up his parent’s face. “Dad? That’s probably the first time you have called me that.”

Devin nodded shyly.

Tears appeared in the corners of the gray eyes. “I won’t push. Remember I’m here if you change your mind.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. It’s getting easier and easier for us to communicate.” He put his hand on his parent’s shoulder, making him smile broadly.

Father tenderly squeezed his hand. “I think you are right.”

They were still treading on unstable ground, trying to understand each other, improve relationships, and make up for lost time.

Devin got rid of the grief he felt, but still remembered how he felt pushed away and less loved. Momentarily his face became serious; the need to leave as soon as possible appeared immediately. “I’ll go now. I have a date at the botanical garden.”

The community leader’s attention focused on him. Again an escape, this time from difficult questions. “I’ve heard it’s a beautiful place. I hope you have a great time.” Deep down, he was happy that his son was trying to put his life together, but he was still worried about what he wasn’t talking about.

The young man smiled playfully and bowed low in acknowledgment and quickly left before hearing another question.

Leaning against a stone wall around the corner, he wondered if it was that obvious that something was happening to him.  The Old Man is hard to fool. I should have been more cautious.

* * *

A Saturday autumn afternoon was underway when Devin took Jenny to the New York Botanical Garden.

They stopped at the Pine Tree Cafe for delicious sandwiches, and walked along Tulip Avenue holding hands, occasionally bestowing gentle kisses on each other.

In the seclusion of the Rock Garden, located near the forest, they admired the alpine flowers surrounded by rocks and crevices.

He stood behind her, embracing her tenderly near the spreading trees, gently caressing her neck with his lips, giving himself more. She deserved it; lately his caresses had been restrained.

Every place they saw was a miracle to Jenny in his presence.

Their route continued through the Native Plant Garden full of shrubs, field flowers, and ferns, and in the Thain Family Forest they noticed traces of glaciers, trees from before the American Revolution.

They ended their visit at the Peggy Rockefeller Rose Garden, where they admired many species of roses, traditional and modern varieties. The beautiful sights and smells left them stunned.

She got used to this feeling, this need to extend her time with him for a few more moments. His affectionate demeanor gave her the courage to ask the question. Maybe today? She was afraid to even think about it; she had already waited so long for their relationship to develop into a more intimate one.

Her gaze was shy. “Why don’t we have coffee together at my apartment?” She bit her lower lip in anticipation of his answer.

His gaze was serious, and her hopeful face reminded him how long he had been exercising her patience. He was dreading this moment; he knew how it could end. His mind became foggy and chaotic, the tormenting dreams would not let go, and unwanted memories kept popping up in his head throughout the day.

Despite his inner turmoil, he couldn’t give up. This next step, still postponed, had to be taken someday. He decided to venture into dangerous waters. “With pleasure. It really is too early to part.” These words spoken aloud made his heart race.

The expression on Jenny’s face spoke volumes, full of expectations that she was afraid to meet.

They were only a dozen minutes away from her apartment. Devin saw the street as if through a fog, immersed in chaotic thoughts, trying to concentrate on driving.

She was a quiet traveling companion who watched him closely, sensing that there was a lot going on in his head. His eyes were focused and the lips tightened into a narrow line; he was definitely fighting some kind of internal battle.

Time was not working in his favor. He was not used to the thought that something might happen, and already they were in front of her building. His fears refused to leave him. Step by step he followed her, held by the hand; she was leading him to change, but he didn’t know if for the better.

She tightened her grip, sensing his hesitation.

His sigh echoed off the brightly painted walls as they crossed the threshold of her apartment, and the sound of the door closing reassured him that there was no turning back from certain things.

“Make yourself comfortable while I brew us some coffee.” Her voice sounded calm while she headed toward the kitchen. “With milk and sugar?” she called out cheerfully after a while.

“No. Black and no sugar.” He wished he could sound so happy, but a feeling of intimidation spread through his body.

His gaze focused on the expansive window, with an engaging view of the city providing a generous dose of daylight. He sat on a comfortable sofa with his arms spread wide, analyzing the sounds coming from the kitchen. It began to smell of an aromatic brew. He looked around the living room.

A stream of books poured out of the cabinets. Soft, pleasant carpet underfoot. Functional and spacious. I could rent something similar. Could I?

His thoughts took a different direction when she entered with steaming mugs. In a short, fitted dress she looked enticing. His gaze wandered from her legs upward, smiling wryly when he noticed that she had captured his visual excursion.

Her eyes were full of relief when she saw the change in his behavior. It had an encouraging effect on her senses.

“I pre-ordered a tiramisu. Perhaps you would like it with your coffee?” She asked while placing the cups on the table.

A flirtatious smile appeared on his face. Their cheeks almost touched; an explosion of desire quickened her heartbeat.

“I love this dessert. It will be a pleasure to eat it in your company.” The words whispered close to her ear caused her to shudder.

“Now I’m glad I chose it.” Her sensual voice warmed the already heated atmosphere.

His eyes stared at her intensely. She withstood his penetrating gaze, still attracted by his behavior, then pressed her lips against his. Her fingertips barely touched his cheek. She turned around with a smile, aware that his eyes were following her. With slow moves she headed toward the kitchen for the promised cake.

Something is going to happen. His imagination showed him a vision of them on the couch or carpet. At least there is no free space on the wall. He shook his head quickly, wanting to escape what seemed implied.

“Can you turn on the radio?” her excited voice brought him down to earth.

“Of course, I can.” I will do everything to take care of something else.

Devin pushed some buttons and the words of Bryan Ferry’s hit song “Slave to Love” echoed through the living room. Is this some kind of sign?  Should I feel encouraged by what is to come?

As they enjoyed an exquisite cake, romantic melodies from the 1980s filled the silence. The atmosphere between them was charged with extreme emotions.

Outside, the sky reddened from the setting sun, casting beautiful shadows on the walls. Her curly hair took on a fiery hue, and her face shimmered with golden tones.

At the moment he was enchanted. He cleared his throat to regain his voice. “Thank you. It was an excellent dessert.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed my choice.” She murmured, hugging him charmingly.

Devin gently massaged her back. “And also it was a very pleasant afternoon and evening.”

She turned her head to look into his eyes. “The evening isn’t over yet…”

“Yes…” His voice was low and hoarse.  He focused on her tempting mouth, hesitating for a moment…Their lips came together uncertainly, as if they had never done this before. She tasted sweet, chocolatey…

He pressed his forehead to hers, closed his eyes, desiring her. Reasonable thoughts appeared in his mind, but he dismissed them almost immediately. His finger gently moved across her smooth cheek. He took her face in his hands and teased her senses with the sensual movement of his lips, but he knew she wanted more as she tightened her hands on his waist, trembling from the sensations.

Before he could make another move, Jenny sat on top of him, putting her arms around him, startling him. Her lips on his ear brought him to the edge. She caught the lobe, and he almost held his breath. Tender caresses embraced his neck. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, grateful and uncertain at the same time. She began to move in a familiar rhythm.

This is too much. His body began to respond…

Her hands hastily undid the buttons of his shirt, and he tightened his hands on her hips. His breath became heavy and scratchy as her lips wandered over his chest. Now half-naked, he laid her on her back. His lustful lips pressed into her milky neck, he opened the neckline of her dress, approaching with tenderness the miracle hidden under the lace bra. When his hand touched the shapely curve, an image from his last dream appeared before his eyes…

She came to his cabin, tempting him, kissing, touching, and he dreamed so much of giving it to her, all that she wanted.

He interrupted the sensitivities. Dazed, he shook his head as if to awaken from an unwanted dream, blinked a few times, and fell heavily beside her, breathing hard, overcome by memories. I lost.

Jenny turned toward him, looking concerned and dismayed. His face was covered by his hands. After a short while, he rose from the couch and sat down resting his hands on his knees; a brief glance in her direction told him that today would end this way.

“I’m sorry. I thought I was ready, but still, this was not the moment.” He sighed heavily. “Don’t take it personally. You are a beautiful and sensual woman.”

“In that case, can you tell me what happened?” She tried to sound calm.

His gaze was thoughtful, completely unsure how to tell her. “It may sound ridiculous, but I don’t want to rush things.” He couldn’t look in her eyes.

“I understand…” She answered him confidently, touching his arm, feeling slightly disappointed, but pressing him was the last thing she would think of right now. The affection she bestowed on him was too great; it consumed her. She could still wait a long time for this step.

Her saddened gaze followed his every move. The evidence of his desire was still visible.  He buttoned his shirt with trembling hands, covering his athletic and attractive body. Jenny bit her lip, trying to control her pressing emotions.

The feeling of discomfort began to bother him more and more. Run away, get as far away from it all as possible. “The best thing I can do is go now. I’m really sorry, I spoiled everything.”

It was difficult to determine what was driving him, his voice was not very clear. He leaned in for a brief kiss. “It’s okay, Devin. It was a really lovely date.”

Her warm gaze was almost unbearable. He really tried to nod at her, but felt an internal block, and the feeling of understanding beaming from her face made him feel even worse. He curved his lips in a parody of a smile and headed toward the door.

“See you later,” she called, so that he could hear her words before he left the apartment.

“See you later.” His reply was already coming from the corridor. However, I destroyed what we had begun to build together, just as I had feared.

Getting out into the night air was a refreshment but not a relief. For a while he leaned against the wall of her building in total disorientation, unable to take any direction. “What a mess!” He lowered his head.

Maybe if I had ignored the memories that were emerging, things would have worked out differently. I disappointed her. In these matters I am an experienced man and I told her I was not ready. He laughed to himself. If I hadn’t cared so much about not hurting her, I would have stayed the night on our first date. I so long for a woman’s touch… or perhaps the touch of a particular woman. His gaze became sad and longing. He slammed his hands against the wall and with a quick step moved towards the car.

Jenny watched him walk quickly to the parked vehicle. Her expression was worried. The premonition that he was hiding something did not want to leave her. I don’t understand any of this, but I don’t buy that he’s not ready.

With a squeal of tires, he drove away from her building. She watched with regret as the distance increased, feeling that it would stay that way.

* * *

His head was lowered and his vision clouded as he walked through the tunnels to the only place to gather his thoughts. I screwed up and will still be alone.

Vincent noticed his return and quickened his pace. Worried, he followed him, watching his behavior, not knowing if he needed a conversation or a moment alone. He leaned against the rock wall for a while sensing that something significant had happened.

However, concern for his brother prevailed, and he entered the chamber of the Mirror Pool, and saw a thoughtful figure kneeling on the edge of the unusual pond, with his head lowered.  He took a cautious step toward him.

“I see something is bothering you. Perhaps, you would like to talk?”

Devin wiped his eyes quickly with his hand and looked at his brother. His gaze was anguished. “You know me well.”

“We spent some time together.”

They both laughed briefly. It was a good start; however, the moment of silence was prolonged, without any gesture…

Finally, the older brother groaned, combing a hand through his black hair. “It’s true, maybe I need to talk. I don’t have the strength to hold everything in anymore!”

“So, tell me.” In a soothing voice, he tried to calm him down.

A deep breath gave him the courage to confide. His dark eyes watched the stars reflected in the pool for a moment… “When I lived with Charles in the Appalachian Mountains, I actually stopped at Byers Street Bistro every day in Staunton. They have good food and coffee there. I made friends with a few people during that time. I talked to one woman every day. She worked there. She was very nice. She tied her hair in a bun so that it wouldn’t disturb her at work. I was always amazed that despite being tired and on her feet all day, she was so happy.”

Vincent listened with interest. “What was her name?”

“Evelyn,” he stammered with a heavy heart.

Vincent frowned. “Did you have a kind of relationship with this woman?”

“We never went on a date. We only talked with each other, joking. Her smile warmed me and she always brightened my day.”

He looked curiously into his older brother’s eyes. “Hmm…why, despite having such a good effect on you, did you not date her?”

“I was working, taking care of Charles, so I didn’t think about it. I thought I had time. I had been living there for quite a long time, and she wasn’t seeing anyone.” His hands combed through his hair again. “I don’t know anymore now!” He bowed his head resignedly.

“What happened next?”

“After some time, I realized that I was looking for contact with her and waiting to see her and talk, if only for a moment. Her gaze caused a tremor throughout my body. There were times when I was running out of air as she leaned over and poured me coffee.” Devin clenched his fists. “Now I see that the attraction I feel for Jenny is not the same as what I experienced with Evelyn.”

Vincent looked at him with concern, understanding more and more.

“One evening when Charles had already fallen asleep, I drove to the Bar because I knew she was on shift. I had a small coffee and offered to take her home. We were talking about nothing important, but for me the fact that she was close to me meant a lot. I felt such comfort; I was content and relaxed in her company. We arrived in front of her house and I just wanted to hug her goodnight. We cuddled for a long time. I slowly relaxed the hug but her face was so close.” He sighed deeply, feeling no relief.

“I kissed her, little brother, and it was heaven for me I could kiss her like that, taste her…Although she returned the kiss, it ended too soon. She looked at me as if reproachfully. I could see sadness in her eyes and we stood like that for a while looking at each other without saying a word… and then she ran home. The slamming of the door brought me back to reality.”

“What did you do next?”

“Besides scolding myself for what I had done?” He laughed bitterly. “I went to her work the next day with an apology. We talked, and she told me she was going to California. My heart stopped at that moment. She acted naturally, but I could see despondency in her eyes. She was supposed to leave in a week, and she did, and we haven’t seen each other since. But I was broken.”

He turned his head in the opposite direction, wanting to hide signs of his suffering. “I went about my business and spent a lot of time in the Oakwood cabin. We rented the place.  There I was forced to face my stupidity and naivete. She left me behind, did not write, did not call!” He hid his face in his hands, still reliving what had happened.

“You are not stupid or naive. Don’t say that, you didn’t do anything wrong. You cared about her and you lost her. You felt anger and regret. Why didn’t you tell me about it earlier?”

“There was nothing to talk about. After all, we were not dating, but…I fell in love, brother, so much, so I didn’t say anything about it because I wanted to forget.  I tried and even thought I succeeded, but the first way I tried to forget was wrong.” He lowered his head, his body tensed.

“What do you mean?” The blue eyes watched with great curiosity but also worry about what else he had to face.

“Every night, when Charles was already asleep, I went to the bars in search of adventures for one night. I was looking for a woman just for my pleasure. They were interested; I didn’t cheat them, I didn’t promise anything, just fun.” He shook his head in disgust. “When I got home, I was ashamed. Then I would get drunk to drown out the guilt.” He looked at his brother expecting condemnation.

Vincent was bewildered. His imagination suggested pictures of what he had heard before his eyes. He shook his head, distracting his thoughts.

“I shocked you. It was selfish and did not make me feel better. I went to work dazed, but I managed, no one realized….” He took a deep breath. “…only that I hated myself more and more. I didn’t want to be like that.”

“What made you change the way you deal with pain?”

“Rather who. I looked at Charles, who had a hard time in life and had a good heart, able to enjoy everything and appreciate every day. It humbled me. He became my refuge. I gave him even more attention, drowned out the longing, and stopped returning to painful memories.”

Vincent nodded. “The fact that you noticed all this and felt that you were acting inappropriately shows that you are a sensitive person. You changed your behavior, distinguished between the bad and the good.”

Bitter laughter filled the space. “You easily absolve me. I don’t deserve it.” He closed his eyes. “When Charles died, I was afraid that I would lack the strength to be better, so I returned to my hometown.”

“It was a good decision.”

“Yes…but since I started seeing Jenny…I dream about Evelyn at night, and sometimes during the day her image appears before my eyes. I am already tormented by it.”

Unique features expressed worry. “Dreams are memories and reflections of desires.”

“Yes, what I dream about are my memories but also images of what I wanted to be. Before she left, I contemplated various situations in my mind. I wanted to touch her, kiss her, I was creative in my imagination.” His face saddened. “I wanted to show her how much I cared. For a long time after she left, she appeared in my dreams, tormenting my heart, but it all subsided – unfortunately, not forever.”

His younger brother bowed his head, full of sympathy for him and his hurt feelings, for his longing for his beloved. “You need to reflect on what’s in your heart, otherwise both Jenny and you will suffer. You know best what you want and need. Think through what you feel for Jenny, and when you know what to do next, tell her the truth.”

“Lately I have been doing nothing but thinking!”  He shouted the words. “I am sorry.” He rose quickly and began circling the sandy ground. “I have had enough, but…it was so good to get that out of the way.”

“I’m glad you told me…Now I’m able to understand your confusion.” He patted him on the shoulder.

Devin looked at him, trying to smile. “No one said it would be easy.”

“I’m sure things will work out.”

He nodded. “Just how?”  He looked at him with eyes full of sadness. “I never thought it would hurt so much. The longing was unbearable.”

“True affection always hurts.” He closed his azure eyes for a while, as if replaying certain images in his mind. After a moment, he looked toward the companion of his childhood adventures. “I remember this pain. I felt it when Catherine almost fell in love with Elliot, when she was about to leave for Providence, when she had doubts, and she longed for the life I couldn’t give her at the time. She left to join a friend in Westport. I thought it was over and I would never see her again. Later when she returned and was close, it became unbearable when I wanted to show her how I loved her. But I was afraid. I thought living together was not for us.”

Devin’s attention was completely focused on the spoken words. “You understand how I feel. It’s good that your suffering is over, but it doesn’t compare to how hard your road to happiness was. The Old Man was not delighted for a long time, right? Those speeches of his, infused with caution.”

The younger brother laughed briefly, nodding. “Father eventually realized his mistake, and I finally believed it too, that a happy life is also for me. I am sorry I don’t have any good advice for you on this issue. You need to think everything over calmly, give yourself time.”

“Perhaps this is just good advice.” He furrowed his brow, wondering whether to say more. “Today I couldn’t be with her.” He felt ashamed, his gaze examining the sandy ground.

Vincent tilted his head to the side, waiting for a follow-up.

“Jenny cares about me a lot and I wanted to give her something more of myself. I thought that if we took this next step, as if by magic my memories would disappear from my head, but I was wrong. While we were in the process… “He sighed heavily. “Evelyn’s face appeared before my eyes, ruining everything.” His hands clenched into fists.

Vincent sighed, completely unsure of what words could help. “I think it was not a good idea, but your intentions were noble; however, there is a deeper meaning to all this. I’m sorry you’re in such turmoil. I’d like to see you really happy.”

“I would have wished that, too.” He barely lifted the corners of his mouth in a smile. “I have a request for you. Could you leave me alone, please?”

Blue eyes looked at him with compassion, remembering his moments of anguish.

“Of course I could.” He started walking towards the exit.

“Brother!” The word stopped him. “Thank you. Your presence here with me and your words mean a lot.”

“When you need a conversation or quiet companionship, you can count on me.”

He walked away, leaving him in that place of silence and contemplation.

Plunged into his thoughts, he headed toward his chamber. Oh, Devin, I can’t help much with such a delicate matter, and may you make the right decision in solitude and silence.

The unique man sighed as he entered his chamber, hope smoldering somewhere in him that maybe things would work out. He didn’t want Catherine to sense his anxiety in the bond; she was on a two-day training course outside the city. 

The only way to get rid of accumulated thoughts and feelings was to put them on paper. Devin treated Jenny with respect, didn’t play with her feelings, but also didn’t tell her what was bothering him, and now she might feel cheated. The pen in his hand was waiting ready for use.  I will feel sorry for Jenny if it turns out that their recently started relationship will fall apart after all.

* * *

Minutes passed, dragged into hours. The silent figure sat motionless, looking at the night, the heavily starry sky. An enchanted place. If I could stay here like this and all problems would disappear from the horizon…

His shirt was half unbuttoned, but he could not feel the chill of the tunnels, and he recalled the situations with Jenny. Guilt and tormenting thoughts raised his body temperature.

I reacted to her caresses the way a man reacts to a woman, but it was only desire. We understand each other, we have something in common, our dates were really nice. Perhaps in time… He squinted his eyes. Maybe we still should try, Jenny, but first we’ll have an honest talk so you know what you’re getting into.

He lay on his back with his arms spread wide, feeling an inner calming after outlining his plan of action.

Yeah…I can finally feel the chill, let it soak into me.

As his emotions cooled, he stood up shaking the sand off his clothes and walked out of the Mirror Pool toward the kitchen, where he stopped for a small snack. He reached for a sizable jar and pulled out some honey cakes.

Not very healthy for a night out, but this one time I can afford it.

Sipping a sweet supper with a glass of milk, he felt weary. Too many emotions, nerves, he felt stifled, but also a little reassured when he confided his dilemmas.

In his chamber, he lay down with no hope of a relaxing sleep, but this time no memories or hidden desires disturbed his rest.

* * *

This morning Devin felt rested for the first time in a long time. I thought I would never know a peaceful sleep again.  I have a sense that the decisions I made are the right ones.

He stretched contentedly, his gaze going to the newspaper lying on the table with an ad that interested him. Brooklyn…Not so far from my family. The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. After a moment, his gaze became thoughtful. It’s high time to change something. Both the price and the location suit me…and after meeting the owner…He took a deep breath. A conversation with Jenny; clarifying, decisive. He felt anxious, feared her regret, even more her disappointment, but he could not hide his confusion any longer.

After a quick refreshment, he hit the road, stopping along the way at “Jams” for strong coffee and scrambled eggs. Full of energy, he tried to calm down inside as he headed by car toward Washington Avenue.

Maybe everything will work out somehow. Maybe I’ll build something with Jenny? He sighed. Too many of those “maybes” in my head.

It took him some time to get there, the sun shining blindingly in his eyes after he exited the vehicle. Taking his time, he approached the door of the building and then someone called his name.

Puzzlement stopped him in his tracks. The familiar-sounding voice caused a stir in his heart; his movements were slow and cautious. When he turned around, his eyes opened wider with astonishment. It’s not another dream, it’s Brooklyn at high noon.

“Evelyn?…What are you…?” In that moment of surprise, he couldn’t get any more words out.

She fell joyfully into his arms, clinging to him tightly, and he embraced her in complete bewilderment…