* They’re Playing Our Song *

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM

by Paulette Frazer

I don’t know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I’ve been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I’ve seen myself
I seem like someone else

Catherine sat on her sofa and put her head in her hands. She was home after ten days with him. The first time she looked at him, she was shocked to see the man he is. I listened to his voice for nine days. That melodious voice.

“Don’t be afraid, you are safe. No one will hurt you.”

Then listening to him read to her. She touches his hand as he feeds her. She feels fur. Maybe it is his sweater. She drew away. She pondered what he looks like. That voice hypnotizes her. Finally, she removes the bandages and sees her face. Horribly cut. She screams, just as he enters. He says her name. She spins around and sees a monster. She throws the reflector at him. He leaves and she cries. She feels so stupid.

He finally returns and takes her home.

So, here she sits and waits for Daddy to come. But she thinks of him. He said she was strong. She does not agree. Not yet anyway, but she has made up her mind that she will be.

I don’t know how to take this
I don’t see why he moves me
He’s a man, he’s just a man
And I’ve had so many men before
In very many ways
He’s just one more.

Catherine is in the hospital waking up after surgery. She remembers the dream she had. She remembers that she finally sees him at the end. Standing in the corner watching her. Sending her his strength. It has been months and she cannot get him out of her head. Recovery is long and one scar is troublesome. The doctor said they have to wait to fix this one.

She has decided to quit the firm. She has been accepted at the DA’s office.

Then there is Tom. He has been around since the surgery. He did not come or call while she was recovering. She looks at him and knows that she must not go on with him. He is not the one. She tells him so. Finally, he tells her she is damaged goods anyway and of no good use to him.

She smiles as she lets herself in the apartment. She sits on the sofa and thinks of him. She has to convince herself that he is just a man. He looks different, larger than any man she ever knew. That face. She thinks of him and smiles. He looked so afraid when she took the hood of his cloak off his head. She smiled. She wanted him to know how beautiful he was to her. She wonders if all the other aspects of him is a man.

She remembers Steven Bass. She thought she loved him. Sex was mediocre, nothing to scream or shout about. She never climaxed. It was all about him. She finally let him go. It took some doing to get him to see it was over. She never saw him again. With Tom, it was again mediocre. Sex was just that sex, not lovemaking. She longed to be made love to.

She thought of him again. In her dreams she made love to him. He was fully equipped. She felt like a teenager having those dreams. She had to come to a decision. How to see him again. It had been a while. She had to continue to get stronger. Prove to him that she had changed. She was not that selfish, rich girl who thought shopping was the highlight of the day.

She no longer shopped every day. She worked hard at her new job and she learned how to protect herself. She was getting stronger each day. She wanted to show him that she was different. She wanted to be worthy of his love. That is if she could make him love her. She was going to try.

Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love?
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I’d come to this
What’s it all about?

She began to put her plan in place. She would find a way to find him. She remembered he brought her to the basement of her building.

“This is the way out.”

“Where are we?”

“The basement of your apartment building.”

“We are?”

She put her head on his chest. She felt him touch her back. Then they heard noises. In a flash he was gone.

She dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and left for the basement. She looked around and found the door. It was hidden behind some boxes. She opened the door and looked below. She climbed down the ladder. She walked through the opening. She could see the tunnels. She turned around and went back. Exploring would be for another day.

He is pacing his father’s study. He has just told Father that he wanted to go above to see Catherine. Father told him he should not go. Leave her, let her live her life.

He knows he cannot. He feels what she feels and he wants to go to her and tell her. Father tells him she will make him sad. Then he will just be sad. He must go to her. She is a siren calling him in the fog. Calling him to come to her. He never felt like this before. He smiles as he remembers the feel of her next to him when she hugged him that last day. What’s it all about?

Yet, if he said he loved me
I’d be lost, I’d be frightened
I couldn’t cope, just couldn’t cope
I’d turn my head, I’d back away
I wouldn’t want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so

Catherine comes in from work.

She throws her briefcase on the bed. She takes her shower and finally begins to go through the cases she brought home to work on. Suddenly she hears a noise on the balcony. How could this be? She is eighteen stories up. She listens and hears it again. She grabs her gun and goes to the French doors. She looks and sees the book. She picks it up and reads the inscription on the inside. It is from him. She looks around but sees nothing. He is standing in the corner watching her. She finally turns and he steps out of the corner.

“Vincent!”

__________

I Don’t Know How to Love Him from Jesus Christ Superstar; lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, sung by Yvonne Elliman